Bullying or Conflict? What Parents and Caregivers Should Know

October is Bullying Prevention Month , an opportunity to talk with children about kindness, boundaries, healthy relationships, and what to do when someone is being hurt, excluded, threatened, or harassed.

Children will not always get along. Disagreements, hurt feelings, and conflict are normal parts of growing up and learning how to navigate relationships. Bullying is different.

 

Knowing the difference can help parents, caregivers, educators, and other trusted adults recognize when a child needs support and respond in a way that promotes safety.

 

What Is Bullying?

Bullying is more than an argument or an unkind moment.

 

Bullying is generally defined as unwanted aggressive behavior that involves a real or perceived power imbalance and is repeated, or has the potential to be repeated, over time . That difference in power might come from physical strength, popularity, social influence, access to embarrassing information, or another factor that gives one child an advantage over another.

 

Bullying can take different forms:

• Verbal bullying: name-calling, threats, taunting, or humiliating comments
• Social or relational bullying: intentionally excluding someone, spreading rumors, embarrassing someone, or damaging friendships or reputation
• Physical bullying: hitting, kicking, pushing, taking or damaging belongings, or other physical aggression
• Cyberbullying: using technology to harass, threaten, embarrass, or humiliate someone

Bullying can happen at school, during extracurricular activities, in the community, or online.

Bullying or Conflict: What's the Difference?

Not every disagreement between children is bullying.

 

The distinction is important.

 

When children are experiencing normal conflict, adults can help them develop communication and problem-solving skills. When bullying is occurring, simply telling children to "work it out" may place responsibility on a child who does not have equal power in the situation.

Signs a Child May Be Experiencing Bullying

Children do not always tell adults when they are being bullied.

 

Some may feel embarrassed. Others may worry that telling someone will make the situation worse. If the behavior is happening online, children may also be afraid that reporting it will result in losing access to their phone, gaming system, or social media.

 

Changes adults may notice include:

• Avoiding school, activities, certain places, or certain people
• Unexplained injuries or damaged or missing belongings
• Changes in friendships
• Difficulty sleeping or nightmares
• Changes in eating habits
• Declining grades or loss of interest in school
• Frequent headaches, stomachaches, or requests to stay home
• Becoming unusually withdrawn, anxious, fearful, angry, or upset
• Sudden changes in technology use
• Becoming visibly upset after receiving texts, messages, notifications, or other online communication

A single change does not necessarily mean a child is experiencing bullying. Look for patterns, stay curious, and create opportunities for conversation.

What Should You Do When a Child Tells You?

How an adult responds when a child shares an experience with bullying matters.

 

Start by listening.

Give the child time to explain what has happened in their own words. Try not to immediately interrupt, question every detail, or jump straight into solving the problem.

Simple responses can communicate support:

"I'm glad you told me."

"You don't deserve to be treated that way."

"Let's figure out what we can do together."

 

Avoid minimizing the situation with statements like "just ignore it," "kids will be kids," or "you need to stand up for yourself."

 

Instead, ask what would help the child feel safer. Identify adults they can go to for help and determine whether the school, coach, youth organization, or another appropriate adult needs to become involved.

When Bullying Happens Online

Cyberbullying can happen through text messages, social media, group chats, gaming platforms, livestreams, messaging features, and other digital spaces.

 

Because technology follows children home, cyberbullying may continue long after the school day ends.

 

The National Center for Missing & Exploited Children's NetSmartz program provides practical guidance for responding when something harmful happens online. Children and caregivers can remember a few important steps:

 

Don't respond or retaliate. Responding may escalate the situation.

Block. Use available tools to prevent further contact when appropriate.

Save. Keep screenshots or copies of concerning messages, posts, images, usernames, and other relevant information.

Report. Use reporting tools available through the app, game, website, or platform.

Tell. Make sure a trusted adult knows what is happening. Children should not be expected to manage serious online situations by themselves.

 

Parents and caregivers can also help by making conversations about children's digital lives routine.

 

Ask about the apps and games they enjoy, who they communicate with, what happens in their group chats, and whether they know how to block or report someone.

 

The goal is not simply to monitor technology. It's to create a relationship where a child knows they can come to an adult when something online makes them uncomfortable.

Don't Just Be a Bystander

Children who witness bullying have a role to play, too.

 

Online, simply liking, sharing, forwarding, or commenting on humiliating content can increase the harm, even when the person sharing it did not create it.

 

Encourage children and teens to:

• Avoid sharing or forwarding harmful or embarrassing content
• Report inappropriate content when necessary
• Tell a trusted adult when someone may need help
• Offer support to the person being targeted
• Speak up safely when appropriate

Helping children understand how their actions can either contribute to or interrupt harmful behavior is an important part of bullying prevention. NetSmartz similarly encourages young people who witness cyberbullying not to participate in spreading harmful content and to support the person being targeted.

What If Your Child Is Bullying Someone Else?

Learning that your child has hurt, intimidated, or excluded another child can be difficult, but it is also an opportunity to intervene.

 

Rather than labeling a child as a "bully," focus on the behavior.

 

Talk about what happened, who was affected, and what needs to change. Establish clear expectations and appropriate consequences while trying to understand what may be contributing to the behavior.

 

Children need opportunities to develop empathy, respect boundaries, communicate appropriately, manage conflict, and understand that actions online have real-world consequences.

 

Addressing concerning behavior early can help prevent it from becoming an ongoing pattern.

Adults Can Help Prevent Bullying

Bullying prevention doesn't begin after something goes wrong.

 

Parents, caregivers, educators, coaches, youth leaders, and other trusted adults can help children develop healthy relationships by regularly talking about:

• Kindness and empathy
• Personal boundaries
• Respectful communication
• Healthy friendships
• Safe technology use
• What to do when someone is being mistreated
• Which trusted adults children can turn to for help

Children need to know that asking for help is okay and that adults will take their concerns seriously.

 

Creating that foundation helps build homes, schools, organizations, and communities where children feel safe, supported, and heard.

CACCT Is Here to Help

The Children's Advocacy Center of Central Texas serves children and families throughout Bell, Coryell, and Milam counties. In addition to providing services following allegations of child abuse, CACCT offers prevention and education programs for children, parents, educators, professionals, and community organizations.

 

CACCT offers NetSmartz, an online safety education program developed by the National Center for Missing & Exploited Children. NetSmartz provides age-appropriate education and resources addressing topics such as cyberbullying, gaming, social media, online exploitation, and making safer choices online.

 

Interested in bringing prevention education to your school, organization, or community group? Contact the Children's Advocacy Center of Central Texas to learn more about available programs and training opportunities.